Stop Saying My Cancer Is the "Good Kind"

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, "That’s the kind of cancer to get," I could actually pay some of my medical bills. How do you react when people downplay your cancer, saying that’s the kind of cancer to get?

Most mean well, but some can be cruel

I was recently diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma, a form of kidney cancer, and I’ve had skin cancer twice in the past. Renal cell carcinoma is rarely cured by simply removing the tumor. Still, I hear the same comments I heard when I had skin cancer. “Oh, you’re lucky because if you are going to get cancer, that’s the kind to get.” I was even told that it is not serious since it has a high rate of survival after five years. What the heck?

Some of these people are probably well-intentioned. They think by minimizing my experience, they’re improving my outlook. The others? Well, friends or not, some people are just cruel. They don’t understand the fuss over skin cancer, and many don’t understand the concern about kidney cancer since both are fairly curable if caught early.

All cancer is scary and serious

What they don’t understand is this: While I’m grateful that I don’t have leukemia or another more serious type of cancer, my experiences and my diagnoses are still frightening. Both skin cancers were caught early enough to have Mohs surgery, yet I have scars from both. My kidney cancer was caught by accident. While I have a high chance of survival, I’m also losing a kidney, and part of one kidney on the other side has already been taken. I also have aggressive cancer cells (grade 4), so I have to undergo immunotherapy for a year.

What do you say when people trivialize cancer?

So, what do you do with these comments? How do you respond? I usually just tell them that yes, I’m grateful things were caught early. But, if I’m in a less-than-happy mood, which happens more often now with everything going on, I’ll take things a tad further. I’ll share that while both cancers are curable (usually) if caught early, I still have to go through surgery. I still get tired from having my nephrectomy. I still have scars from both skin cancer surgeries.

Most importantly, either of these cancers can recur. Just because I had two skin cancers removed doesn’t mean another can’t pop up. And removing my kidney cancer tumors doesn’t guarantee they won’t return. That’s why I’ll need scans every three months and I have to start immunotherapy, which is kind of like chemo.

Some people just don’t get it

Most people mean well. They’re simply trying to be positive. But some are simply being dismissive of my situation. For whatever reason, they don’t want to give me (or you) attention for something they believe isn’t that serious. I don’t need chemo or radiation (for now) and to some people, that is all they know of cancer. For it to be serious, you have to have chemotherapy and radiation, lose your hair, and ring the bell when you’re done. They don’t get that there are many forms of cancer, and that all forms are serious for the person dealing with it.