Tumor Humor: Coping with Cancer With a (Twisted) Sense of Humor Part II

Hopefully, you all enjoyed the last episode of “Tumor Humor!” I laughed so much writing my awkward (yet hilarious) cancer stories, I thought I’d share some more.

Skin cancer tumor humor

Humor is such a great coping mechanism - sometimes you just need to laugh about it.

Story #4: False alarm farts

To treat my stage IV melanoma, I had a combination infusion of ipilimumab and nivolumab. The plan was to have four infusions of the combo to jump-start my immune system. Well, less than 10 days after my first infusion my health took a turn for the worst. I was hospitalized for a severe reaction to the treatment. In hindsight, this was a good thing, but being stuck in the hospital for 9 days sucked. A lot. I was in a pretty drug-induced state to try to make me more comfortable. Everything seemed to be uncomfortable. After a few days, they were pressuring me to have a bowel movement. I hadn’t had one (thanks to drugs) and they needed to evaluate it and ensure nothing was wrong. It was a PRODUCTION to get to the bathroom. I had to unplug everything and drag my IV pole (naturally named Candi) in there with me. I remember feeling like I was finally ready to go to the bathroom only to finally get in there and just...fart. My dad was outside the bathroom asking how I was doing and I came out, stood there totally deadpan, and stated “no poops, just the false-alarm-farts.”

Story #5: Muscle knots

Before I was diagnosed, I had noticed these firm lumps underneath my skin. I had a relatively large one in the middle of my right thigh and a pretty decent sized one on the back of my upper left thigh (I later called this one the butt-met). The one on my right thigh was about the size of a golf ball and rock hard. The funny thing is, I genuinely thought these were muscle knots. I had recently started attending a spin class regularly, so I assumed that I was working out so hard my muscles were getting all knotty! That’s what happens right? I can’t even tell you how long I tried rolling out said muscle knots. I legitimately bought 3 different muscle rollers. I had friends help me try to roll them out because I thought I wasn’t doing it right (sorry, guys). It wasn’t until after my PET scan and brain MRI that we realized these weren’t muscle knots, but they were melanoma tumors. It sort of makes me cringe but is also one of my favorite things about my diagnosis story. No wonder why I couldn’t get them to go away!

Story #6: Two-for-one special

I get my inappropriate sense of humor from my mother. She is a breast cancer survivor and I could share countless stories of all the hilarious things she did when she was diagnosed and going through treatment. Recently she was suffering from prolonged headaches and her oncologist wanted to schedule a brain MRI just to make sure everything was okay. As part of my melanoma diagnosis, I had a brain met and am (sadly) no stranger to brain MRIs. I actually had one on the calendar coming up as her doctor scheduled one. We asked if we could have the “two-for-one family special” since we both needed them. Let’s just say my dad wasn’t amused by our jokes!