Tick, Tick, Tick, BOOM: Harvesting My Eggs

Tick, tick, tick, that was the noise I heard inside my head for a long time. After all, I’m a woman in her 30’s who is constantly reminded of her biological clock. Until recently when that incessant ‘tick, tick, tick’ turned into ‘boom’.

Thoughts on a future family

Let’s start at the very beginning. Ever since I was young, I have never dreamed of one day having a family, I never pictured the perfect wedding or thought about the names I would call my children. I gravitated towards women in television that focused on careers, like Carrie Bradshaw (Sex & The City) and CJ Cregg (The West Wing). When I thought of my future, it was always me as a leader in a high-powered company. My female friends around me would always ask to hold the newborn, whereas I would always decline when offered. Clucky...that’s not me, but it was also not something I had ruled out, I just wasn’t sure. So I said to myself if it happens, it happens.

Forced into fertility decisions

Cut to 3 months ago when I went to my oncologist for what I thought was going to be my first immunotherapy treatment, but instead was told "I won’t start immunotherapy until you speak to a fertility expert." My reaction...I was mad, very mad!

Mad, that I had gotten myself into a healthy mental space to start immunotherapy and now it was being delayed FOR KIDS. Upset, that my oncologist seemed to be telling me that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Angry, that it felt like he was society TELLING me I should want kids. And frustrated with myself, for not knowing what I wanted and frustrated again that I was being made to choose what I wanted. It all felt so unfair, this is hard enough, now I have to make a decision I hadn’t been able to make my whole life!

All of those emotions were a lot to process when you already have a lot of emotions running through your head. My initial reaction was, ‘just say NO I don’t care, let’s just start, I don’t want to risk my cancer growing.' But then I said to myself, ‘Courtney, do the smart thing, give yourself options, go and speak to a specialist,' so that’s what I did.

Freezing my eggs before cancer treatment

Thankfully my oncologist got me into an excellent fertility doctor a few days later and he assured me that he could harvest some eggs quickly and the whole process would only take about 2 weeks (this timing can vary, but I was on 'the pill' so able to control my cycle and I was being fast-tracked). So even though I didn’t want to delay treatment, I knew I had to make this decision with my head, and not out of fear. In the scheme of things, 2 weeks is nothing if it meant I would have more options moving forward.

Disappointing fertility treatment news

So I started fertility treatment which included several internal ultrasounds, many, many blood tests and many injections that you have to give yourself at the same time every day. Then I got a call from my fertility doctor to come back in for a chat. I went in thinking it was just a normal check-up to see how I was tracking, but unfortunately, like so many of my doctors’ appointments, it was more bad news. Apparently, even though I am only 33 years old it looked as though my body was going to go into early menopause, which meant that I wasn’t very fertile and all of this could be for nothing. I remember laughing when my doctor told me and saying ‘when it rains it pours.'

Adjusting the plan

He had a plan of attack that he hoped would help, but he was far from confident. He upped my dosage to the highest hormones he could and had me stay on the treatment for an additional week and a bit. Of course, I was angry again, angry that I had delayed my cancer treatment and it could all be for nothing and mad at my body for letting me down. I allowed myself to be upset for 24hrs and then told myself you have come this far, you have to keep going.

A week or so later I had my eggs harvested and they were able to retrieve 6 eggs, which even the doctor was surprised at. Apparently, 15-20 is ideal and they usually like women to do 2 rounds however, time was not on my side. So we froze the 6 and a few days later I started my immunotherapy treatment.

Grateful for the opportunity

It wasn’t until recently that I realized my reaction to this whole process was very much from a place of privilege. There are so many women and men who would have LOVED the opportunity to have a back-up plan for their fertility. Although I still don’t know if I will ever want to use those eggs, the fact I have the option, I am truly grateful for.

My side effects from the egg retrieval process

Just a quick note on my experience with this process. The needles that you have to use daily are very small and you can barely feel them. The change in hormones in the past has led to drastic mood swings but my doctor said with today’s new drugs that it doesn’t usually occur. I didn’t find myself having any change in my mood at all and I was on the highest dosage for longer than the average person. The procedure itself only takes about 30 minutes and you are a little tender for a few days. But I traveled for work the next day (an hour flight) and didn’t have any time off (other than the day of the procedure) and I was fine, just a little sore and tired, somewhat like when you have your period.

What is immunotherapy's effect on fertility?

Important note: My understanding is that because immunotherapy is still so new, they don’t know the full impact it can have on women’s fertility. As of this stage in the research, they have not noticed any negative impact however, my doctors didn’t want to take that chance.