Continuing on My Self Love Journey

I was diagnosed with dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans (DFSP), a rare form of skin cancer, in February 2021. I had my first wide resection under local anesthesia in March 2021, and my second wide resection under general anesthesia in April 2021. I left my job and changed specialties as a physician assistant, beginning that new job in July 2021. I also got divorced from my husband of 12 years in October 2022 after a 6-month separation.

My diagnosis made me see life is precious

While I was healing from the surgeries that removed the DFSP skin cancer, I remember thinking that life is so precious, so it is important to live everyday to my fullest potential, as if it is my last day on earth. My DFSP journey sparked my self-care and self-love journeys. It was important for me to fall completely in love with myself and do everything I could to show myself the love I was desperately yearning for. I needed to stop “looking” for love and instead realize that I AM love, and that I have everything I need already within me.

Every Tuesday is my birthday

Once I got divorced, I started taking better care of myself and doing things for myself that I was desiring from a romantic partner. This was so that I would not choose a romantic partner out of loneliness, which would likely end up being a mistake. I started treating myself on one particular day of the week; since I was born on a Tuesday morning, I treat every Tuesday as my birthday. When I am not scheduled to work on a Tuesday, I treat myself to a smoothie, a nice long walk, a lunch date, a trip to my favorite store or library, and some downtime at home while my daughters are in school. I started taking myself on dinner dates to new places I am interested in trying, especially when my friends are too busy to go with me.

Writing down my goals, large and small

I do not believe in New Years’ resolutions, but I have a habit of writing down goals at the beginning of every month and year. Two of my goals for this year were to try something new every month, and to go to a gym consistently as a lifestyle. This first month, I tried a mixed martial arts class, and I started bootcamp at a new gym, which I have been going to 2-3 times weekly consistently for 4 weeks now. I have been purchasing solo tickets to concerts or to my favorite live podcast recordings. Taking a shower, moisturizing, spraying perfume, and wearing nice pajamas to bed have been simply for myself lately. I have also been consistent with my monthly hair and nail appointments to keep up with my appearance, because I believe when you look good, you feel good.

Focusing on self-care has made a differnce

The love and care I have been showing myself lately have helped me tremendously for many different reasons. Mainly, they have helped me appreciate this single season where I am only required to consider myself and my daughters in any decision I make. They have helped me avoid entertaining and choosing romantic partners out of loneliness. And they have helped me to stop “looking” for love, and instead to simply BE love while waiting for the right partner to come along and join me.

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