What Cancer Stole From You?

As I have posted several times on these forums, I have been on my skin cancer journey for almost a year now. Last skin check was clear, which is good, but as I am sure all is us know, just cause we got one all clear (or no need to cut or burn anything off in my case), the threat of future cancer or recurrence is always around. I think that has been the hardest part mentally for me and the part I feel that others don’t understand, is the feeling of what was taken from me, a sense of well-being and trust.

I mean I figured in an existential way that I would have to deal with skin cancer at some point in my life. As a blonde haired, blue eyed male, I’m one of the poster children for sunburns and cancer. Well, lo and behold at 45 it happened - thankfully it was two small Basel cell and one squamous cell cancers, but still scary enough for me.

But now I struggle to be outside, I let me fear run my life, I cringe at what I used to do (even though I thought I did “okay” with sun protection - not really).

I feel that instead of treating my diagnoses as wake up calls and manageable situations, I have conflates them into life and death struggles where it’s me against my body and the sun, where I have to fight with everything at my disposal, and at the expense of everything else in my life, which is no way to live.

Some people on this board have made suggestions and I greatly appreciate that as well as I have found some solace and inspiration from others posts and stories.

How have others come to view their struggle and journey with handling skin cancer?